Annoyances- idiots, unorganized discs
Accomplishments- Life rank in Boy Scouts (seven months from eagle!!)
Confusions- life
Sorrows- depression, weight problems (I'm getting back up to normal)
Dreams- starting a family
Idiosyncrasies- OCD about certain things (alphabetizing video games/books etc.) but am a complete slob about everything else
Risks- drivers license
Beloved Possessions, Now and Then- stuffed Curious George (then and now)
Problems- depression, anxiety, anorexia, and I suck at remembering things
Depression. The word itself is depressing. So when you find out that it's actually an adjective that can very easily be used to describe you it's a little scary. Okay, it's horrifying. Everyone describes depression as being sad all the time... but that's not been my experience. For me, it's not so much a sadness as a... umm... a lack I guess. I just don't feel anything. No good emotions, but no bad ones either. It's like I'm stuck in this other place where time doesn't pass and everything is numb. It doesn't sound that bad, but... I don't know... not feeling bad emotions doesn't mean you don't feel bad. I still feel horrible. And one thing they don't tell you about is the voice. The little voice in the back of your mind. "You're such a failure," "how could anyone mess up something so simple?" "god you're worthless. Why do people even want to be around you? They don't. they just won't tell you." All of these things and more, every second of every minute of every hour of every day. It's enough to drive you mad. But, I guess I'm already mad. My mind has shattered into too many fragments as it is. The worst part though, is when you realize that the little voice in your head... is you. You are saying all of these things about yourself and that makes them more true, and no matter what other people tell you, that you're amazing, that you're wonderful, that they love you! none of it matters. Because they're just saying it so you don't know what they actually think. Because they're just saying it to be nice. It's not fair.
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