Right Now - Taylor Stewart

At this very moment, somewhere in the world, a girl is inundating her heart with mawkish hopes – surrounding, of course, someone she can’t have. For that is the nature of humanity, a constant hunger for the unattainable. She doesn’t realize how futile it all is, but perhaps that is the beauty we can find in her situation; an innocence of desire and purity of faith untarnished by the desolate and harsh reality that is unrequited love. The subject she has fixated on isn’t even that special (let’s be honest, no one is truly unique in a world of seven billion inhabitants), but somehow her mind has distorted this truth, quixotically convinced her than he is the only one who truly understands her. Once she has fixated on this individual, there’s no turning back – not for her. She can’t forget when youth touched youth to fire, and how the melting ecstasy of a first kiss dwarfed all other experiences to unimportance and unreality. She can’t forget that he once filled her head with those idealistic ramblings, too; how he divulged to her the unblinking verity that life doesn’t have to be tragedy after tragedy. She knows that truth – she accepts it, and does her best to not unnecessarily dramatize every mundane aspect of her life, contorting reality into some syrupy, disgustingly sentimental world. This particular girl’s problem is that she physically cannot repair the gaping hole left by his absence; only replace its tenant. She’ll plug it with music for now. The lyrics may further her inane yearning, but the melodies are a soothing backdrop to her anxieties.

Right Now- Skylar Mays

I'm not even sure what this means so I'm just going to describe what's happening in my kitchen in thorough detail while sounding like an annoying teenage girl.
So I'm sitting at the table listening to some ah-mazing playlist I made on youtube that has 11 songs of different artists, right? Then my dad totally just interrupts me, like he just taps me on the shoulder. Can't he see that I'm busy? Whatever, so I look up at him and he doesn't actually have anything important to say he just wants me to check out the new style of his beard. It's like totally the same as what the guy in Breaking Bad had. How embarrassing. Like it's not even cute. So then my mom's all like making coffee in the corner and stuff. And my dad walks over and opens the cabinet and starts like yelling because someone only left one cookie in the chip mates container (we're a Kroger brand family, embarrassing, I know, whatever). And he just like totally flipped. So uncool. It wasn't even me. I left two in there. I know it was my mom but she just won't, like, own up to it. Whatever.

How To- Skylar

Finally, a post I can write in full confidence. Here it goes: How to draw a snowman.

Step 1: First you have to get your materials together. What you use doesn't really matter. Art is all about finding new mediums and being creative. The preferred media among the younger kids is crayons and the closest wall they can find so for the sack of demonstration we'll use that.

Step 2: You're going to want to start with a base circle. 

Step 3: Now slightly above that draw a slightly smaller circle.

Step 4: Now above that you're going to want an even smaller circle.

Step 5: Time for some details. Despite popular belief, the three dots used for buttons go only on the middle circle. You'll want to add 2 dots for eyes, a poorly drawn triangle in the middle of the top circle for its nose

Step 6: As an added bonus you can draw in sticks for arms, I personally don't do this because I have never made a real snowman have arms because we didn't have sticks lying around my yard. I'm a tortured artist.

Assignment 21: Right Now Tora Sellers

                Right now, in my room, I sit in my rolling chair and am writing a blog post. Although I just want to relax and stop thinking about responsibilities for a while, I have no choice but to finish my homework; so I suppose that this is the “happy medium”. Many students feel unfulfilled with daily life. For me, this means the seemingly excessive amount of math review, an inadequate physics teacher, and relationship issues.  I spend every single day of my life hoping for an easier, more stable life with fewer responsibilities. I try to convince myself that life would be easier if I were already in college. If I were in college, I wouldn’t have to worry about keeping my grades pristine, teachers would be more qualified, and hopefully I wouldn’t be in a year-long long-distance relationship.

                Right now, somewhere in the world, a grown man is sitting in his chair and is stressing over work and bills. I am perpetually wishing to be in the future, where none of my current tribulations matter. But in reality, my responsibilities will only continue to grow, and I most likely will never have an easier or more stable life than I do at this exact moment until retirement. 

Assignment 19- Michael Dickson

One piece of advice that I have received that has stuck with me is "Hakuna Matata." Yes, "no worries" the motto of Timone and Pumbaa from Disney's The Lion King. I realize that it's cliche and a little cheesy... but it's been my mantra recently. I have a serious problem about finding out something is wrong and focusing on it and stressing over it even though there's nothing I can, or could have, done to change it. So I have adopted "no worries" as my own motto in order to help me relax and to remind me that everything doesn't have to go perfectly to plan. And, with that in mind, I can move on and move closer to my Hakuna Matata. I haven't reached it quite yet, and I don't think I'm very close yet, but I know that I'll reach it eventually.

Assignment 20 How-To Be Asocial- Michael Dickson

How-To Be Asocial.

Being asocial is a very specific skill that I have been perfecting for several years now. So now I will attempt to pass on my years of training and practice unto you.

Step 1:  Try Not to Leave Your House
     This step is almost as important as the first as it prevents the opportunity for some dull mouth-breather to force you into unwanted social interaction. And, with ever advancing technologies, it has become easier and easier to not have to leave the comfort of your own home. There are apps and websites where you can hire people to go out and buy groceries for you, limiting the chance for social interaction to paying them once they arrive at your home. In addition robotic cars are soon to be a feasible form of transportation, one which you can call for and it will take you anywhere you need to go without all the hassle of talking to a questionable cabbie or buying and maintaining a car of your own. In order to truly be asocial one must remove oneself from social interaction, the most basic form being conversation. I have found in my experience that other people never have anything interesting to say anyway so it's not worth talking to them in the first place.

Step 2: Escape Tactics
     Unfortunately even experts such as myself get dragged into unavoidable social interactions from time-to-time, so one of the most important skills is how to get out of said unwanted situation. There are a multitude of tactics and strategies and I wish I could give them each as much time as they deserve, but, alas, I cannot. So instead I will discuss just a few that I have found to work incredibly well.
     The first being stealth. In this tactic one seeks for an opportunity to take advantage of their unwanted social assaulter's focus on their meaningless jabber to quickly and quietly slip away, thus escaping the clutches of social nicety. Although this tactic, while more polite, is not nearly 100% effective. One's social assailant might be more focused than most, or might look up at the wrong time, or any number of other uncontrollable events and start a barrage of questions intended to make one feel guilty when it was them, in fact, who initiated this form of verbal torture.
     There is only one tactic that has proven effective every time under every situation, lovingly entitled: Old Faithful. This tactic is based around the work of Dr. Patricia Tannis (a leading asocial) who has discovered that if one focuses enough stress to their nasal passages it is possible to burst a blood vessel in the nostril, splattering both the offending socialite and the asocial in a relatively small amount of blood. However this tactic requires much practice and should only be used as a last resort as expelling blood from one's nose creates a stain that is incredibly difficult to get off of one's clothing.

I certainly hope this guide has been helpful to those budding asocials out there. If you wish to contact me, then I believe you are reading the wrong instructional guide and should leave this blog immediately.

Assignment 21 Ian Harrison

Right now, somewhere in the universe, nothing is happening and nothing ever has, and it's possible nothing ever will. The universe is so vast, there are probably significantly more places like this than not. We live in a universe we haven't even begun to explore. It's kind of scary how small we are compared the rest of the universe. Who knows, maybe there's some decimated ruins of a long-gone civilization on some far-off planet where nothing is happening, waiting for us to discover it. Maybe there are thousands of places like this. There are even places on Earth we haven't discovered. We're like that kid that who sits inside all day doing nothing, we gotta get out there! We need to explore the universe around us, cause there are too many places where nothing is happening.

Assignment 21 Michael Dickson

Right now, somewhere in the universe someone is crying. Right now, somewhere in the universe someone is being told that they are worthless. Right now, somewhere in the universe someone is looking in the mirror and seeing the fat, ugly, useless creature that others have convinced them that they are. Right now, somewhere in the universe someone is avoiding meals. Right now, somewhere in the universe someone is forcing themselves to vomit because they've been told that they're fat. Right now, somewhere in the universe someone is hurting. Right now, somewhere in the universe you can help them.

How to - Charlie Payne

It's all about isolation, man. It's about being one with yourself, respecting the fusion of your body and mind and keeping them in perfect harmony, man. It's about knowing how inferior to you your audience is, man. The world's a stage--that's Shakespeare, man--and knowing how to be the best is KEY. Step one, stop thinking about it, man. If you keep thinking, you stop doing, if you stop doing, it's impossible to be the best. That's a fact, man. Step two, isolation. Like I said, man, it's all about isolation. Go to a cabin in the woods, discover your place in nature, man, transform the dissonance and monotony of everyday life into an exciting, melodious bar-anthem. Or whatever you want man, it's like that movie, be the master of your own destiny. Isolation, man, loneliness, it's where it's at. It's how you figure this stuff out, man. Step 3, espresso. Screw the cabin, man, there's no espresso machine in the woods. Fuel yourself, stay awake, sleep deprivation is like free drugs, man. Don't get used to life's sweetness, drink espresso to forget your woes. Espresso, cheaper than cigarettes and will actually get you street cred. What could be better, man? Keep yourself in check, check yourself WHEN you espresso yourself. That's the motto, man. Last step, numero four, pop a chillaxative, man. When life gives you Xanax, throw them away and replace them with CHILLAXATIVES, man. You can't control everything, stop stop controlling anything, man. Let your life surprise you, man, stay in your cabin and write songs about hating yourself but don't actually do it, man, stay positive.

Plastics - Charlie Payne

It's really easy for me to be a snob about things I like. In fact, at one time it was probably my defining personality trait. I used to make fun of my mom all the time for liking really bad 80's music, or my dad for having Boston's "Boston" the only CD in his car. I have come to realize over the years, however, that people like what they like for a reason. For example, my mom's college years were soundtracked by Journey and Def Leppard. My dad's favorite past time in high school was drumming along to albums by Boston and Led Zeppelin and other "dad-rock" artists. You can't blame people for these things. I gave that advice to myself, so maybe this post doesn't really answer the question, but it certainly has stuck with me.

Assignment 21: Jesse Konopka

Right now, somewhere in the universe, there is someone who feels just like me. Someone who feels just as bored, just as inactive, and just as unmotivated. There is someone like me, someone who doesn't mind that. Someone who simply enjoys the way they live their life no matter who disagrees. Someone who simply does nothing, and loves it. Someone who doesn't go out, doesn't do exciting things, but is still satisfied with themselves. Someone who doesn't care what they do with their own lives, as long as they enjoy it in the end. Somewhere out there, there is someone just like me, and they probably feel the same. Someone out there, someone just like me, maybe even writing about the same thing as me. In the end, I'm fine with that, and they are too.

How To-- RaiffaS

How to be one helluva doormat

Do you just ever feel like you’re too aggressive? Too take charge? Are you tired of voicing your opinions? Well then maybe you should try being a doormat!

What is that? You don’t know how to be a doormat??

Well why not learn from the best!

1. You want to be quiet and inviting. Zip your mouth shut and have that look on your face that just screams welcome!
2. Wait for someone to notice you and decide that you would look great as an accessory to their life that they will probably forget about.
3. Maintain that inviting, welcoming look as you let people wipe their feet and walk all over you and never say anything about it cause hey, living the dream!

Now you are an expert on being a doormat. Never again will you have ideas of your own or the will to assert yourself as an important being.

But once you master this skill not only will you be able to take a backseat to the roller coaster of life but you can weed out all the fake people in your life who only see you as someone they can walk all over with no regard to the person beneath all the quiet. Because those who truly care about you would never be able to lay you out for others to take advantage of.

*heart eyes*

How To-Sydney Taylor

How to avoid your responsibilities: 

1) Whatever you do, do not do anything you're supposed to. That could be homework, house work, whatever. 

2) Watch an entire season of a show you've already seen.

3) Look up movie trailers on YouTube.

4) Paint your nails/practice your make up skills.

5) Attempt to cook a gourmet meal.

6) Go through old stuff in your room.

7) Scrapbook.

8) Write a poem.

9) Watch all six Star Wars movies. In the order they were released and then again in chronological order.

10) Play Mario Kart.

This is how I procrastinated all these snow days while avoiding everything else I REALLY needed to do. 

Plastics-Sydney Taylor

People don't usually give me advice because I'm terrible at taking their advice. I usually don't listen to them and just do whatever I was going to do anyway. But I think I remember hearing something in a movie or tv show that resonated with me, and that is that everything is going to happen exactly the way it's supposed to. That's why I try not to worry or stress about everyday things, and things in general because I keep in mind that nothing I do or don't do can change the outcome of what is supposed to happen. I like to think it relieves a lot of unnecessary stress in my life. And it may sound dumb but yeah there's my advice. 

How To- Mikaela Gatewood

One thing I seem to be consistently good at is taking a nap in order to avoid responsibilities. While I can't say that this is a very productive how to, it's useful if you get easily overwhelmed or stressed out from school or various other responsibilities in your life.

Step 1- Once you get home from school, immediately get into bed. It's most effective if you don't start your homework, don't think about all the things you have to do that night, or concern yourself with the pressing obligations you have. Alternately, if it's the weekend, just don't leave your bed after you wake up.

Step 2- Check social media for a while. It's a bit mind numbing, and a general waste of time, so scrolling through either Twitter, Instagram, etc. can calm you down.

Step 3- "Accidentally" fall asleep for 3 hours. It's preferable if you don't wake up until dinner, successfully wasting your entire afternoon. You have then managed to avoid whatever things you were trying to do for a couple hours. If you feel so inclined, you can take a nap after dinner as well, although completely avoiding responsibilities isn't very advisable.

And there you have it. You can repeat this process however often you like, although I usually end up doing it everyday.

How To- Andrew Hardy

While I can do several things in my life, I'm not sure I have a mastery of anything that warrants me doing a how-to. Nothing I've accomplished, or want to accomplish is something that out of the ordinary. If you actually wanted to learn something, I suggest steering far away from any advice of mine. I implore you to go find a more unique "how-to" and leave me to my mediocrity.

How To Make A Medicore Musical Track

Step 1. Learn to play guitar. If you have even lower standards than I, or have transcended current musical restraints,  this step is optional

Step 2. Get a rudimentary understanding of bass and percussion. The rhythm section is underrated. If you have real standards, get another musician who has talent to do this part for you. For the time being, I've been pitch-shifting my guitar down an octave for bass and using a standing drum for a beat. This is far from recommended.

Step 3. Get Recording equipment. Here's something you shouldn't skimp on. I use a Shure Microphone, a Scarlett 2i4, and the complimentary version of Ableton. If you don't plan on using a synthesizer or other MIDI device, the Scarlett 2i2 will suffice. If you take the doctrine of mediocrity to heart, there are some decent USB microphones and Audacity is a free program. 

Step 4. Come up with a chord progression.  People more creative than I might write a melody first, and I've done that on occasion, but matching a melody to a chord progression is simpler. The basic chord progression is I V, or if you want something a bit more complex I ii IV vi V it's still pretty basic. lower case numerals are minor chords. In lieu of any theory, just turn the feedback up and wildly strum your guitar or smash it against a wall. f

Step 5. Come up with a melody. This is optional, but you're really stretching the definitions of mediocre. Any note in the key will work, but if you're worried about harmony and don't want to deal with passing tones, scales will suffice. 

Step 6. Lyrics. Actual lyrics are always appreciated. Stories and narrative tend to go over better then general angst, but anything will work. Guttural screams are sufficient.

Step 7.  Record. Single tracks at a time are easier and you'll get higher quality recordings.  Make sure to line them up right or it'll sound terrible

Step 8. Master. Compress tracks, fiddle with the EQ, and a bit of reverb no matter what. Do what ever you want.

Assignment 21: Right Now

At this very moment, somewhere in the universe...

Minimum of 150 words - due Sunday, March st at 11:59 pm

Assignment 20: How to...--Amir Abou-Jaoude

How to Watch a Film

As the Oscars approach, we sit down to watch all of the nominees and busily make our own predictions. Still, too often when we watch a film, especially those that are decades old, we passively watch it. In order to appreciate a film, however, we have to examine several factors. In order to get the most out of your movie-viewing experience--

1. Consider the context in which the film was made. If you are watching a film that was made recently, this is relatively easy. You understand the political and social issues that are at the heart of movie. However, if you watch a movie from the 1930s or 1940s, like a Preston Sturges or Frank Capra comedy, it can be difficult to examine the historical circumstances. The 1930s and 1940s were a time when the American cinema was controlled by Hollywood's moguls. Movies were a form of escapism, and people were eager to forget the crises of the Great Depression and World War II. Sturges's and Capra's filmmaking represents this innocent escapism. The context in which a film was made can help you better appreciate the film--Capra's Mr. Smith Goes to Washington seems more clever when you consider that it was made when the political atmosphere in Washington was tense.

2. Examine each of the director's choices. Some of these choices conform to the traditional film grammar established by pioneers like D.W. Griffith. For example, many directors use close-ups to emphasize certain elements in a scene, and they employ establishing shots to create a sense of setting. Look at the choices that fall outside of this traditional framework. If a director uses a close-up to denote something that is not important or uses an unusual type of cut, that is a choice that should be considered. For example, Stanley Kubrick uses a match cut to bridge two sequences and span thousands of years in 2001: A Space Odyssey. Why does he choose this cut instead of a more traditional dissolve?

3. Look at the people involved in the movie. Some directors, like Alfred Hitchcock, Frank Capra, or Vincente Minnelli, specialize in one type of film, while others, like John Ford, Robert Altman, or Stanley Kubrick, dabble in all kinds of genres. This is true of actors and producers too. Is the director or actor in question acting within his or her comfort zone or doing something radically different? Why did they choose this story to bring to the screen? This gives you a greater appreciation of the film. For example, Anthony Perkins's performance as Norman Bates in Psycho is even more astonishing when you consider that before the film, he was a teenage idol who had never been in a horror movie.

4. Try to evaluate a film objectively. All too often, we see a film as either good, okay, or bad. This framework does not allow for much analysis. What made you think that the film was either good, okay, or bad? Was it the director, the actors, the screenplay, the set design? Elucidate your criticism clearly. "The film was too long," "the acting was cheesy," or "the screenplay was bad" are vague points of contentions. Expand on what you thought was wrong with the film. "The screenplay suffered from lack of structure, and didn't have enough of a focus. Therefore, the effect of the film was lost on me" is a more clear criticism.

5. Don't worry too much about the meaning of the film. Often, the most celebrated films have messages that are difficult to decipher. David O. Selznick, the mogul behind Gone With the Wind, used to say "when I want to send a message, I use Western Union." Just appreciate the director's images, and the mood he creates. Cinema is a visual medium, and while the greatest directors may not make the most profound films, they create the most memorable images.

Hopefully, these steps will increase your appreciation of film. While it is difficult to consider these items when caught up in the story of a film, it will make the two hours you spend with a movie more worthwhile.

How to... - Keanu Gomez

How to do a magic card trick...

1. Count out 21 cards from a deck. It doesn’t matter what cards you get.
2. Lay them out in three columns and seven rows.
3. Get someone to pick a card in their head and tell them not to tell you.
4. Ask them what column their card is in.
5. Collect the cards by creating a pile for each column.
6. Put the three piles together. Make the pile your spectator’s card is in, in between the two other piles.
7. Deal out the deck again. You must make sure that you deal them out row by row (left to right). So deal out seven rows of three again.
8. Ask your spectator what column their card is in now.
9. Repeat steps 5-8 for a third time.
10. As this trick is based on a mathematical principle, their card should now be exactly in the 4^th row of the 2^nd column.