The Future-Andrew Hardy

People repeated to me over and over again "junior year will be your hardest." and they were right, but in different ways than I'd expect. As the semester draws to a close, it will probably be the first one where I got all A's. I did well on the ACT, and I feel like the things I've accomplished outside of school are significant-at least to me- and worthy of some sort of acknowledgement (whether they'll be in the form of a college acceptance, I'm far less certain.) But these are hollow victories. My obsession with getting into a "good" college, as I'm sure is the same for everyone in the academy, is to have sense of success, accomplishment, and contentment latter on in life.  And with these more abstract goals in mine, I'm just as much a failure as an F student. The most integral aspect of our lives, human connection, remains just as large an enigma to me as ever. I don't know how to hold a productive relationship, or what I want out of one. And while I'm aware of how everything I want to accomplish in life requires the help of others (my amazing mentor Dr. Yan comes to mind), I'm also constantly reminded how I feel let down by others in other aspects of my life, such as my musical interests.  The fact that this makes me all the more selfish does nothing to diminish the constant sense of emptiness I have. I guess we're supposed talking about the future, so I'm excited for doing something important for once.