Assignment 23: The Perfect Playlist Tora Sellers

Everybody enjoys fighting bears every once in a while. But doing so isn’t an easy task…without a good playlist. With the right tracks, anyone can realize their full grizzly bear stomping potential. Here is what I personally listen to when out in the forest pissing off grizzly bears:

1. Don’t jump right in with maximum hype; instead, get warmed up with “Shabba” by A$AP Ferg. It’s up tempo enough to be called hype, but this track isn’t as hype as other trap music can potentially be, so it is the perfect first track on any hype playlist.

2.It’ll be near-impossible to battle 100 grizzly bears at once if you don’t first build yourself a god complex. Kanye will be sure to put anyone in a universe-destroying mood with “I am a God” because…it’ll literally make you feel like you were the sole entity that breathed life into those bears; therefore it’s only right that you should be the one to annihilate them. 

3. Now it’s time to get down and dirty. The trap beats of Waka Flocka Flame’s “F*** the Club Up” are hype from start to finish, allowing maximum adrenaline to rush through your body as you disintegrate the skulls of 5 grizzlies at once.

4.It’s time to lose yourself in an ecstatic trance fueled by a bloodlust only quenchable with the feeling of grizzly bears insides dripping out of your hands. Listen to A$AP Ferg’s “Dope Walk”, in which Ferg sounds like he has literally gone insane from a hype-overdose. You may think, “I’ve already heard enough A$AP in this playlist!”, but you would be wrong. First, tracks from Trap God are radically different from those off of “Ferg Forever”. Second, and more importantly, when fighting grizzly bears, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ENOUGH A$AP.

5.Finish off strong with some Gucci! March out of the forest triumphantly to “Chasen Paper” as you leave behind a bloody battlefield of 100 dead grizzly bears. You have just emerged victorious over 100 vicious, full grown bears with nothing but your bare hands and an iPod with this playlist! You deserve to be rich! Now get out there and make some guap, son!!