Fictional character, fictional life - taylor stewart

Quick, what's the most powerful pokemon in the world? You're probably thinking like Arceus, right?

WRONG

it's freaking magikarp, stupid.  ("it's just a stupid little fish," "it's so weak and useless," "why is it so ugly and dumb") OK PAY ATTENTION

-71% of the planet's surface is water
-90% of life in the water is magikarp
-100% of the magikarp's body is pure pain
NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO, YOU WILL NOT BE SAFE. here are some simple numbers

20 base HP

10 base attack

80 base speed

if it's raining, its speed DOUBLES

LOOK AT THIS JUNK

-SPLASH: a magikarp that lives for years can use this to LEAP OVER MOUNTAINS

-TACKLE: that's ten kg of solid death being thrown at your face right there

-FLAIL: if you can somehow get magikarp to 1 HP, this move gets a base power of 200. that sound was your bowels leaving your body in sheer terror

LOOK AT THIS I MEAN WHAT THE HECK

here's another terrifying stat 4 u

the highest level a pokemon can reach is 100. only one pokemon can be found in the wild at this level. GUESS WHO 

magikarp.

that's why I would be a magikarp